Here I am wide awake in bed way past my bedtime. My mind and heart are yearning for relationship. My body keeps trying to enter into the conversation, however, I whisper to it “not yet.”
During my season of singleness there have been episodes when all I could think about is how much I want to be married and have children. There have been others when all I could think about was how much I miss physical touch. And I’m not talking about a church hug. I want to be married. I want to have sex. I want to experience a healthy pregnancy. I want to give birth to healthy children. I want to have my own family.
Sometimes these thoughts flood my mind and heart without warning. Other times they’re triggered by photos of married couples and/or families; videos/shows/movies; interactions with couples and/or children; or even by seeing the “ideal” guy.
What do I do when this happens?
a. Well, I remember that I’m human and that these feelings are natural and should not be punished. I am not going to punish myself for wanting love and a family. I am not going to punish myself for having sexual urges. No, I’m going to need those urges once I enter into covenant with my future husband. I am not a robot who can be trained to think that these feelings are bad and suddenly flip the switch back on because I get married. No, I must merely remind myself to delay gratification, and that God is glorified in my choosing to wait. I am no longer a slave to the desires of my flesh.
b. I pray and ask God to strengthen me during this journey because I am not strong enough to make it on my own.
c. I remind myself that waiting on God is in my best interest and that I genuinely want what is in God’s will for my life.
d. I guard my heart by guarding setting boundaries. It’s okay to mute the couples on your IG. It’s okay to tell your family and friends that you need to take a break from hanging out with them and their spouse and/or children. It’s okay to take a break from relationship videos and sermons.Take the break that you need for as long as you need it!
e. I think of what I truly want. Yes, I want to be married and have children. However, I don’t want to do that with just anyone. I want a true partner, the partner who God will send to me; the partner who will go to war with me; the partner who will want to build a legacy, etc. (I can’t give away my deepest desires on a blog knowing that people be out here lurking and scheming). If it were as simple as being married and having children for the sake of not being lonely, I could pick up my phone and get married tomorrow. BUT GOD WANTS MORE FOR ME! HE WANTS MORE FOR YOU!
“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 ESV