Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby. Let’s Talk About . . . ME



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Sex has always been a topic that has enthralled me. While a virgin, I made sure everyone was aware that I had chosen to save myself for marriage. Despite my physical purity, I read erotica novels and loved listening to stories about my peers’ sexcapades. So, although I chose not to have sex while my friends bragged about how great it was, I could have authored a series of sex novels.

I waited to have sex simply because I was told that was what good Christians did. I was also afraid of getting pregnant. My mother was a teen mom and she made sure that I would not repeat her mistakes. My mother believed that if she, the quiet and reserved daughter, could become pregnant as a teenager, there was no doubt that I, the talkative and outgoing daughter, would as well. Ultimately, I remained a virgin because that is what was expected of me. Yes, it is really as simple as that. No, I did not stay a virgin because I believed that it was pleasing to God. I stayed a virgin because I wanted to appear to be perfect; it was all a facade. I felt pressured to be the perfect daughter, the perfect granddaughter, the perfect older sister, the perfect cousin, the perfect student, the perfect dancer, the perfect athlete, the perfect bastard child born to a teenage girl. Then one day I decided to rebel against those expectations and told my boyfriend (he was not my first boyfriend), who was not a virgin, that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. I wish that I could say that I loved him but I did not. Soon after, my family moved to another state. Let me clarify, the move was not a surprise to me. I felt free enough to rebel and have sex because I knew that I was going to move and would not have to deal with the consequences. WOW! Wasn’t I a manipulative coward.

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How to Keep Your Man/Woman


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While living in this world it is seemingly inevitable that Christians might pick up some of society’s modus operandi (“M.O.”), especially when it comes to relationships. The Bible advises us that we should not conform to the ways of the world but instead do the will of God (see Romans 12:2).

I’ve spoken to and observed many Christians out on the dating scene and notice (in many cases, not all) that apart from the fact that they identify as Christians, there really isn’t much else that distinguishes their dating relationships from others.

As a teen and YOUNGER adult, I used to read a lot of magazines, many of those gave dating tips. So here we are—a blog post on how to keep your man/woman.

Tips on How to Keep Your Man/Woman:

Consult God. Should you even be in this relationship? That’s the first and most important question. Pray sober prayers. Being “drunk in love” or lust (unfortunately, many confuse these L words) will cause you to miss the big “NO” and red flags. Ask God and be willing to accept His answer and move accordingly.

Maintain you personal relationship with God. Read your Bible and stay prayerful throughout the relationship. God still wants to talk to YOU! Don’t ditch God because you got a boo. And don’t think reading the Bible and praying as a couple is a substitute for your personal time with the Father. “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5 ESV).

Know yourself. The least captivating person is the person who doesn’t know themself, the person who doesn’t know what they like/dislike, the person who has no life outside of their relationship. Your significant other will grow disinterested in you if you’re not even interested in you.

Guard your heart. Don’t awaken love before it’s time. Calm down! Get to know one another. Don’t plan your wedding and imagine what your babies will look like before getting the green light that this person will even make it to that level. Don’t obsess over what could be. Don’t give husband/wife benefits to a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé.

Heal. Guard your heart but don’t lock it up in a tower. Ask Holy Spirit to show you where you need healing and ask Him to guide you on the journey. You may need to forgive some people, you may need to see a Christian counselor/therapist, and/or you may need deliverance. However, healing is necessary and will decrease self-sabotaging behaviors.

Practice purity. Practicing purity only really works when both parties have personally committed to remaining pure for the purpose of honoring God. Otherwise, one person may pull the other one when temptation comes knocking. Many will face temptation but temptation doesn’t have to overcome you. Having support from your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé won’t prevent temptation but at least you’re on the same side and in agreement. And when practicing purity, KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES! Your conversations and actions should not cause you to compromise your faith. Take a breather when you see yourself heading towards the path of compromise. Having sex, giving head/performing oral sex will not keep your man/woman or even keep them faithful. And your inability to wait/practice purity won’t magically disappear once you get married. If you have already crossed the line, repent (turn away from sin and back towards God) and seek accountability from someone/people you trust. Purity requires honesty not dehumanization.

“Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies [dedicating all of yourselves, set apart] as a living sacrifice, holy and well-pleasing to God, which is your rational (logical, intelligent) act of worship. And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you]” (Romans 12:1-2 AMP).

Maintain valuable relationships. There are some relationships that don’t need to go into the trash just because you are in a relationship. There are definitely some that do, however, you need to actually analyze to distinguish which is which. Having relationships outside of your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé will prevent you from putting unnecessary pressure on your significant other to be your EVERYTHING. Also, people you love and trust make great accountability partners when necessary.

“Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers [in this world] to abstain from the sensual urges [those dishonorable desires] that wage war against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11 AMP).

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping watch [on himself] according to [God’s]word [conforming his life to God’s precepts] (Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭9‬ ‭AMP).‬‬