Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby. Let’s Talk About . . . ME

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Sex has always been a topic that has enthralled me. While a virgin, I made sure everyone was aware that I had chosen to save myself for marriage. Despite my physical purity, I read erotica novels and loved listening to stories about my peers’ sexcapades. So, although I chose not to have sex while my friends bragged about how great it was, I could have authored a series of sex novels.

I waited to have sex simply because I was told that was what good Christians did. I was also afraid of getting pregnant. My mother was a teen mom and she made sure that I would not repeat her mistakes. My mother believed that if she, the quiet and reserved daughter, could become pregnant as a teenager, there was no doubt that I, the talkative and outgoing daughter, would as well. Ultimately, I remained a virgin because that is what was expected of me. Yes, it is really as simple as that. No, I did not stay a virgin because I believed that it was pleasing to God. I stayed a virgin because I wanted to appear to be perfect; it was all a facade. I felt pressured to be the perfect daughter, the perfect granddaughter, the perfect older sister, the perfect cousin, the perfect student, the perfect dancer, the perfect athlete, the perfect bastard child born to a teenage girl. Then one day I decided to rebel against those expectations and told my boyfriend (he was not my first boyfriend), who was not a virgin, that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. I wish that I could say that I loved him but I did not. Soon after, my family moved to another state. Let me clarify, the move was not a surprise to me. I felt free enough to rebel and have sex because I knew that I was going to move and would not have to deal with the consequences. WOW! Wasn’t I a manipulative coward.

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Fighting for Life

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My spirit is heavy knowing that the minds of some are under attack by thoughts of suicide.

Two days ago I received a goodbye text from a close friend. She did not return my calls until hours later, at which time she had already swallowed about 80 pills in attempt to end her life. I stayed on the phone with her for about 15 minutes trying to pry out information about her location. With the help of another one of her close friends, I figured out her location and called the police and requested that EMS be sent to her. Fortunately, police and EMS were able to reach her in time to save her life. I am 28 hours away in a different state and did not know what to do but did all I could– call the police, pray, and prove to her that she is loved.

Last week, a different friend streamed his suicide attempt on Facebook Live. He stood on a bride and would have been successful in his jump if one of his friends had not called the police in time. As a friend of these two, I felt_________. I cannot find a word to describe my feelings. However, I knew enough to understand that it was not my feelings that mattered in those near-death moments. While on the phone with my friend who was on the brink of death, what she did not need to hear was that my heart would be broken if she died; or that I probably would not be able to cope if I had to listen to her take her last breath. What she needed in that moment was love and sympathy. The physical distance between us meant that all I could do was pray, make sure that she knew that she was loved, and contact emergency services; it meant that when the police told me that they had reached her, all I could do was pray that she would live. My friend is now hospitalized and receiving the help that she needs.

These two suicide attempts brought to my attention just how selfish we, the non-suiccidal, are. I read and heard comments such as, “how could he/she be so selfish?”, “how could he/she do this to me/us?” First and most importantly, that person’s suicide is not about you and your feelings! It is about him/her and his/her feelings. Therefore, it is vital that you keep those comments to yourself. For people who have never considered committing suicide it may be extremely difficult to understand what goes on in the mind of those who do. Despite this difficulty to understand, we must try our best to sympathize. {Empathy vs. Sympathy: empathy– understanding what others are feeling because you have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in their shoes. Sympathy– acknowledging another person’s emotional hardships and providing comfort and assurance.} It is vital that as Christians we speak light into the darkness. I am not going to pretend to know all of the answers. That is exactly why I will take all of my questions, comments, and pleads to the one who does–God.

Remember, love does! Therefore, pray fervently and help your friend or family member get the professional help that he/she needs.

Here are some of the verses that I have been using to pray:

  • He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
  • For you bless the righteous, O Lordyou cover him with favor as with a shield.” Psalm 5:12
  • The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” Psalm 34:18-19

Here is some helpful information about suicide prevention: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm