Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby. Let’s Talk About . . . ME



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Sex has always been a topic that has enthralled me. While a virgin, I made sure everyone was aware that I had chosen to save myself for marriage. Despite my physical purity, I read erotica novels and loved listening to stories about my peers’ sexcapades. So, although I chose not to have sex while my friends bragged about how great it was, I could have authored a series of sex novels.

I waited to have sex simply because I was told that was what good Christians did. I was also afraid of getting pregnant. My mother was a teen mom and she made sure that I would not repeat her mistakes. My mother believed that if she, the quiet and reserved daughter, could become pregnant as a teenager, there was no doubt that I, the talkative and outgoing daughter, would as well. Ultimately, I remained a virgin because that is what was expected of me. Yes, it is really as simple as that. No, I did not stay a virgin because I believed that it was pleasing to God. I stayed a virgin because I wanted to appear to be perfect; it was all a facade. I felt pressured to be the perfect daughter, the perfect granddaughter, the perfect older sister, the perfect cousin, the perfect student, the perfect dancer, the perfect athlete, the perfect bastard child born to a teenage girl. Then one day I decided to rebel against those expectations and told my boyfriend (he was not my first boyfriend), who was not a virgin, that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. I wish that I could say that I loved him but I did not. Soon after, my family moved to another state. Let me clarify, the move was not a surprise to me. I felt free enough to rebel and have sex because I knew that I was going to move and would not have to deal with the consequences. WOW! Wasn’t I a manipulative coward.

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Please Don’t Call Me Sexy: The Reason I Seem Unable to Pose for Photos


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Purity is also reflected in how you pose for pictures. Who woulda thunk?

I remember when I perceived being told that “I was sexy” as a compliment. Like many young women, I subconsciously bought into the idea that my image was made for public consumption. It is almost unavoidable living in this hypersexualized society fueled by cravings of the flesh. Many girls and women, including those within the four walls have been lured into this trap of lust. We have been groomed to contort our bodies and facial expressions in manners that appeal to the sexual appetite of the audience. Many reading this will wrongfully and prematurely exclude themselves and refuse to associate with the type of woman I am describing. I get it.

Let’s pause and define the word “sexy.” Sexy means sexually suggestive or stimulating; concerned predominately or excessively with sex; or radiating sexuality.

As someone who now practices purity in a wholistic manner, I am no longer interested in taking pictures that radiate sexuality. And let’s be honest: photos can do that all on their own. As the old adage goes— a picture is worth a thousand words. Hence the popularity of certain magazines. As a woman who views her body as a temple of the Most High God and not something to advertise as an item of lust, I am no longer interested in taking sexually suggestive photos.

So here I am having to relearn how to pose in front of a camera. I am confident and secure enough to put my beauty on display, yet modest enough to keep my sexuality private. Posing modestly is not about hiding myself, it is about revealing my dignity.

Here are a few scriptures that I’d like to leave you to consider and meditate on:

“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good deeds and moral excellence, and [recognize and honor and] glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, So is a beautiful woman who is without discretion [her lack of character mocks her beauty].”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭11‬:‭22‬ ‭AMP‬‬