Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby. Let’s Talk About . . . ME

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Sex has always been a topic that has enthralled me. While a virgin, I made sure everyone was aware that I had chosen to save myself for marriage. Despite my physical purity, I read erotica novels and loved listening to stories about my peers’ sexcapades. So, although I chose not to have sex while my friends bragged about how great it was, I could have authored a series of sex novels.

I waited to have sex simply because I was told that was what good Christians did. I was also afraid of getting pregnant. My mother was a teen mom and she made sure that I would not repeat her mistakes. My mother believed that if she, the quiet and reserved daughter, could become pregnant as a teenager, there was no doubt that I, the talkative and outgoing daughter, would as well. Ultimately, I remained a virgin because that is what was expected of me. Yes, it is really as simple as that. No, I did not stay a virgin because I believed that it was pleasing to God. I stayed a virgin because I wanted to appear to be perfect; it was all a facade. I felt pressured to be the perfect daughter, the perfect granddaughter, the perfect older sister, the perfect cousin, the perfect student, the perfect dancer, the perfect athlete, the perfect bastard child born to a teenage girl. Then one day I decided to rebel against those expectations and told my boyfriend (he was not my first boyfriend), who was not a virgin, that I was finally ready to lose my virginity. I wish that I could say that I loved him but I did not. Soon after, my family moved to another state. Let me clarify, the move was not a surprise to me. I felt free enough to rebel and have sex because I knew that I was going to move and would not have to deal with the consequences. WOW! Wasn’t I a manipulative coward.

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Waiting Sucks!

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Waiting sucks especially when life doesn’t look the way you imagined it would. You become irritable; your faith wavers; and the seed of doubt blossoms into a beautiful rose–so beautiful that you take your eyes off of the promise and are captivated by the doubt. It becomes easier to focus on doubt when the unfulfilled promise is visibly present and the promise itself seems to be nothing more than a mirage. To focus on your lack and pain may seem mere appealing because it is present, however, faith requires that you set your eyes on what’s ahead–God’s promise to you. The flower of doubt/lack/pain will soon wither away but God’s Word doesn’t abide by the rules of nature; His Word will not wither away; His promise to you will be fulfilled if you trust Him and wait on Him.“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬