After having eaten the apple and upon hearing God’s footsteps, Adam and Eve hid. When God found them, they were no longer naked but covered with leaves. Adam told God that they hid because they were naked and afraid. “And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”” Genesis 3:10 ESV. It was at that moment that God had to confront Adam and Eve about what had caused them to now be afraid and ashamed. You see, there was a time when Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”Genesis 2:25 ESV
Lots of transformation has taken place during my journey with Jesus Christ. Some of my old friends probably do not recognize the new woman I have become. My language is different. My attitude is different. My heart is different. But what this blog has allowed me to see is that I am Adam and Eve after they had taken a bite from the forbidden fruit. Although I now have this intimate relationship with God and am in His presence, I have covered my nakedness with leaves and I hide because I am afraid to have my nakedness seen. I need you to understand that I started this blog out of obedience to God, and not because I was in a rush to let people into my journey. I did what God told me but I hid. I hid behind my nickname and never used my real name. I did not want people, especially those who knew the old Natasha and those who have not yet met me, to know this part of me. I was afraid that I would be rejected. I was afraid that they would see me naked (at my most vulnerable) and reject me. Reject me because of my personal journey, a journey that many find offensive. I did not want them to read my words and link them to bigotry. I was afraid that if they saw me naked, they would be distracted by my nudity and fail to see my heart. So I hid. I started this blog and I hid. I created an Instagram account for my blog, however, I kept it completely separate from my personal page. So although parts of my nakedness were visible through the leaves, I was still covered in shame. The serpent, the devil, man’s number one enemy, had convinced me, not to be ashamed of my former life—you know the one during which I numbed myself with sex and used sex to manipulate people and situations— but to be ashamed of my present life—the one in which I’ve experienced true freedom and am no longer bound by my lust. That sneaky devil.
At the start of 2020, I slowly started to remove the leaves that covered me. Not because I wanted to but out of obedience. I was lead by the Holy Spirit to host a Singles Conference on February 15, 2020. This meant that I had to be brave and bold enough to post flyers for the event on my personal Facebook and Instagram accounts. This meant that I would find myself telling people that I could not attend the Caucus in Albany over the holiday weekend because I was hosting a conference. This meant I had to explain exactly what my conference was and was not about. BRUH!!! God was stretching me and I did not even know. God, my loving Heavenly Father, was helping me to remove the leaves that covered me. I am so thankful for a God who will get down into the trenches with me to hold my hand and guide me.
I thank God for showing me that I was covering myself in leaves when He wants nothing more than for me to come out of hiding. I thank God for using a conversation with my friend Maitte to help me to realize that I was in hiding and needed to step out.
Why are we afraid to show our healing? Why are we afraid to allow the people who saw us in our brokenness to see us when we are whole and healed? Well, I’ll tell you this much: Natasha A. Delille, is no longer ashamed and afraid. I am naked, meaning completely vulnerable, and unashamed!
Out of Hiding by Steffany Gretzinger